Karen Maezen Miller is an errant mother, delinquent wife, reluctant dog walker, expert laundress, and stationmaster of the full catastrophe. Author of Momma Zen: Walking the Crooked Path of Motherhood, she is a priest and dharma holder in the Soto Zen lineage of Taizan Maezumi Roshi and a student of Nyogen Roshi at the Hazy Moon Zen Center in Los Angeles. Her writing appears in the Shambhala Sun, Literary Mama, Religion Dispatches and the anthology The Maternal is Political. She also blogs at Cheerio Road.


Karen Maezen Miller on preparing for a meditation retreat

How do you know if you are prepared to handle the silence, the physical rigors, the discipline, and the mental intensity of a prolonged meditation retreat?

Relax. You can’t know. You don’t need to know. There is no way to prepare. The very notion of preparation traps us in false expectation and self-evaluation. It shows us how often we are paralyzed by the feeling of inadequacy in our lives. We are never inadequate but we are immobilized just the same.

A Zen retreat, which is the only kind of retreat I’ve experienced, is designed to cure you of that paralysis. It is intended to rid you of hobbling second thoughts and hesitation. I like to tell people to leave preparation aside and just bring readiness to a retreat. Readiness is no small thing. It can be quite compelling and even desperate, but it does not require preparation.

So here are a few tips on getting ready for a retreat:

1. The organizers will tell you when to come and what to bring. Follow those instructions to the letter. It is good practice for a retreat, which consists entirely of following instructions.

2. Find a pet sitter, a house sitter, a babysitter, and every other kind of sitter you think you need in order to leave home and its responsibilities completely. You are creating a trusted community to support you in your ongoing practice. Reliable surrogates may not relieve you of anxiety, but they rob you of excuses.

3. You may be inclined to read about retreats before you attempt one. This is natural, but it’s not such a good idea.  Continued »

Karen Maezen Miller on “the First Noble Misunderstanding” (An excerpt from her new book, Hand Wash Cold)

There’s a lot of misunderstanding about meditation. In fact, that’s pretty much all that meditation is — the process of seeing how very much you’ve misunderstood about it and everything else.

We might be drawn to meditation because we want more out of life and ourselves. We might want to be more centered, for example. More peaceful. More focused. More balanced. More patient. More mellow. More wise. More like my ex-boyfriend who liked to meditate.

These may be all the reasons we are drawn to meditation, but they are not the reasons we meditate. We meditate because there is a six-foot flame dancing on top of our heads. It has made us mighty uncomfortable for quite some time up there. We try to pretend otherwise, but have you noticed? We have a fire on our heads! It keeps crossing the containment lines! The temperature shoots up and we prance about, panicked, frantic, holding our breath lest we stoke the inferno, but it rages anyway. About the time our eyebrows singe, we might heed the call of rescue. Continued »

Karen Maezen Miller’s The Laundry Line: “With and Without”

Since my last post about practicing with a teacher stirred up so much dust, I’ve not done much writing or thinking about it except when people ask me directly. Usually people ask whether a teacher is necessary, or whether a teacher can be harmful, and how to protect themselves from exploitation.

This is an important question, because it points to the heart of all our relationships, whether those relationships are with a person, place or thing. Frankly speaking, we always expect to get something out of our relationships – something like happiness or wholeness, even something as benign as respect or validation. When we expect to be enriched by a relationship we invest ourselves in an external source of fulfillment. We place the responsibility for our own well being in something or someone else: a better job, a newer city, the right mate, a benevolent teacher or wise leader. If we look closely, we might see how deeply we want to relinquish responsibility for ourselves.

That never works, and if it appears to, it doesn’t work for long. Continued »

Karen Maezen Miller’s The Laundry Line: “First Move”

Is it possible to have a student-teacher relationship through email or the internet? Karen Maezen Miller wonders.

A special transmission outside the scriptures;
No dependence on words and letters;
Direct pointing to the mind of man;
Seeing into one’s nature and attaining Buddhahood.

– Bodhidharma

Traveling the country as I am right now, I am encouraged by what I find. People are hungry for the practice of Dharma. More precisely, people are hungry, whether or not they realize that a practice is the only thing that will satisfy their longing.

So it’s natural to be asked what I think about online teaching. Is it possible to have a student-teacher relationship through email or the internet? Others may disagree, but I don’t think so. Continued »

Karen Maezen Miller’s “The Laundry Line”: Maezumi’s Three Teachings

Luckily for me, my teacher Nyogen Roshi keeps repeating the same thing over and over again. (I’m beginning to realize that’s what teachers do.) In nearly every one of his weekly dharma talks he ends up reciting a set of instructions given to him by his teacher Maezumi Roshi in the early days of his training.

Wisdom teachings are fascinating things. They may not appear to be special. They are never complicated. They can sound so ordinary that we don’t even hear them or grant them consideration. But like seeds, they burrow into us and one day surface in full bloom. Only then are we ready to appreciate them. Here are Maezumi’s Three Teachings, which you’re not likely to find elsewhere. Continued »

Karen Maezen Miller’s “The Laundry Line”: The ha-ha moment

Sozan arrived at Isan’s and asked, “I’ve heard that you say, ‘To be with or without words is like a vine dependent on a tree. When suddenly the tree falls, the vine withers, where do the words return to?’” Isan laughed aloud, “Ha, ha!”

Recently I had a conversation with a sincere practitioner that began with the question, “Do you know of a Buddhist teaching that specifically talks about humor and how important it is?”

I laughed.

I don’t know a specific teaching about humor, but I can laugh. We all can. And that is the teaching. It’s important that we not mistake the teaching for the truth, because the teaching only points to the truth that we already embody.

All of my training in the Rinzai system of Zen koans is to bring me to the point of laughter, or the point of tears, the point of immediate and intuitive response, the very point when I liberate myself from intellectual entanglements ­ – the vines on a tree – and come alive.

Laughter is the activity of a buddha.

Each koan tells the story of an encounter between a teacher and a seeker earnest enough to have a question and brave enough to ask it. Over and over, the great masters prove to be comedic geniuses. They don’t make light of the truth. Their laughter shows how very seriously they take delusion. Their words and gestures are like punchlines to leave you gasping in the face of reality, much like a stand-up comedian who has an audience helplessly convulsing in laughter on a very good night. Jokes aren’t funny if you stop to think about them.

Our sincerity alone, our search for understanding, is what stands in our way. An understanding of humor isn’t nearly as funny as the barb of a brilliant one-liner that pierces the barrier of dualistic thinking.

A monk asked Ummon, “What is the Buddha?” Ummon replied, “A dried shit-stick!”

Karen Maezen Miller’s “The Laundry Line”: Enough about meditation

Once after I wrote something high-minded about how all of us are already “good enough,” someone sent me this urgent question: “Tell me! How do I realize that I am enough? I need instruction!”

I’m going to speak as directly as I can about the “how” because, for all of us, it’s an urgent matter. Continued »

Karen Maezen Miller’s “The Laundry Line” — Finger Pointing

A few years ago my daughter piped up from the backseat, which is where children of her age are prone to do their piping.

“Mommy, if you ever write another book please make it not about Zen.”

I asked why.

“Because the whole idea of Zen is bogus.”

I don’t put this little story in the category of Kids Say the Darnedest Things, although they do. I put it in the category of Ear-Splitting Truth. Continued »

Karen Maezen Miller’s “The Laundry Line” — On Faith

As with all things, too much has been said already about the Brit Hume/Tiger Woods Christianity versus Buddhism thing, including what’s been said by me. In the New York Times, columnist Ross Douthat opened up another front, suggesting that Buddhists man up to the debate, instead of playing what he calls “the victim card.”

“If you treat your faith like a hothouse flower, too vulnerable to survive in the crass world of public disputation, then you ensure that nobody will take it seriously,” he writes. Talk about faith, he admonishes, so you can “compete with other believers (and nonbelievers) in the marketplace of ideas.”

I’m going to take up his challenge and talk about faith. But I’m not going to talk about my faith, because that wouldn’t serve anyone but me. Continued »

Karen Maezen Miller’s “The Laundry Line” — Bless this best

The New Year is a powerful time in our lives, and by that I mean in our practice. Through no effort of our own, we arrive at a point of culmination. A moment of reflection and renewal. In this span between what we think of as the old and the new, regret can stir. We may be more aware of our stubborn habits and shortcomings, our losses and the never-ending ache of unfulfillment. Another year gone, and all those things we were going to do! All those changes we were going to make!

This recognition is a rare and momentous blessing, and one to be used. Recognition is all any of us needs to make a change. Continued »

Karen Maezen Miller on “Buddhism’s Big Lies”

When you’re as easily teased by Buddhist discourse as I am, you can see the same arguments over and over.

Among the refrains I keep hearing are the ones I call The Biggest Lies in Buddhism:

I’m not a Buddha. You most certainly are; you may not yet realize it. “Buddha” does not equate to an imaginary celestial being but to an awakened one. When human beings live in their natural awakened state, undisturbed by delusive thoughts and emotions, they live as buddhas. Buddhahood is your birthright. You claim it every time you wake up to the present moment.

My ideas are as good as yours. That’s true, however, neither are any good at all. The practice of Buddhism is not intended to democratize personal views; it does not aim to equalize the worth of everyone’s self-reinforcing preferences; it simply transcends them. We practice Buddhism so we will no longer be blinded by what we think, and wake up instead to how things are.

No one is perfect. Everyone is perfect as they are, we just don’t view them – or ourselves – to be so. Imperfection lies solely in our judging mind, the mind that picks what we like and calls it best or right, and labels what we don’t like as worse or wrong. This mind between your ears is the source of all conflict, and even then, it is functioning perfectly. Seeing it clearly, we must unleash ourselves from its mastery over our lives. Only then can we hope to repair the mess we have made of the world we inhabit.

Karen Maezen Miller’s “The Laundry Line” — Beyond Belief

From time to time I’m asked this question: What do Buddhists believe?

I don’t know what some Buddhists believe, but I like to respond that Buddhism requires no beliefs. That’s rather hard to believe. And so I offer this solely as my own testimony.

Continued »

Karen Maezen Miller’s “The Laundry Line” — Choosing a teacher

People are by nature cautious, so I’m often asked the best way to choose a teacher. It is a reasonable question, and the same question I once asked Maezumi Roshi. Now I see how comic that must have been: sitting face-to-face with a teacher, asking how to choose a teacher. He responded sincerely, and so I’ll do the same. He said, “Choosing the wrong teacher is worse than having no teacher at all.”
Continued »

Karen Maezen Miller’s “The Laundry Line” – Unprincipled Zen

From time to time I get an email like this:

“I have tried to read several books on the principles of Zen, but have found them difficult to pierce because they are heavy with jargon. Do you have any suggestions for books on using the principles of Zen in one’s everyday life?”

I told the writer that I couldn’t recommend books on the principles of Zen because there are no principles of Zen. Continued »

Karen Maezen Miller’s “The Laundry Line” — Be Sad

We can get so worked up trying to be happy that I wanted to strike a different note to the tune of full disclosure:

Sad.

What about when you’re sad? What about when bad things happen or good things don’t? What about tears and disappointments?  Continued »